Military-Grade Attribution infrastructure for powered-by labels. 99.99% uptime SLA for your footer text.
Frequently Unasked Questions. FUQbuddy is the premier hosted FUQ and support platform where customers can find answers to questions they never asked—and never will. Self-service support for the hopelessly self-sufficient.
The #1 consumer email provider for the dark web. You can't contact anyone. You don't get a permanent address. But at least this way you can feel important that people are contacting you.
An AI that helps gamblers cheat in casinos, since technically it's only illegal when a human does it.
Where hobos find their soulmate.
Poop in privacy with a luxury toilet near you. Download our app to start downing your load.
See how people really get hired. Skip the front door and slip in through the back.
Powerbottom
NEW
FUQbuddy
NEW
Vmail
NEW
CheatGPT
NEW
Bindle
HOT
AirBM
NEW
Backdoor
NEW
101.1 The Butt
AirBM
Alley Wae
Analies
Asshology
Backdoor
Balenciaga
BeatKids
Bindle
BrokeIn
CheatGPT
Church of the Universal Nomadic Traveler
Comeo
Cornkast
Cryer Liars for Hire
Cunilingo
Dumpster Dash
EnableMe
FUQbuddy
GruntGPT
Gruntslate
Gutter
H.O.L.E.
Handy Jobs
Incestry
Informer
Jail Baste
Kool Kids Korner
Lunch Income
Mid
Minor Miners
OgleMe
OnlyStrands
Pawper
PedroFile
Powerbottom
Prankcast
Ruff Translations
Second Chances
Shedroll
Shilling
ShopLift
SidePiece
Sister Grace's Oasis
Solicit
Swipe
Take-A-Wish Foundation
Tattots
Terminal
Testimoney
The Clerkies
Thots and Prayers
TinyVag
Trampaigns
V Contaminator
Vagibond Developers
Vagibond Eats
Vagibond Maps
Vagibond University
Vagibond Voyages
Vagicon
Vagifind
Vagify
Vagipages
Vagrance
Vibe Raters
Vmail
Vogue Pervert
Zilcho
Decades of behavioral research have revealed a simple truth: investors don't read spreadsheets. They react to visual stimuli. We've optimized for that.
The institutional investor brain has been extensively studied. The findings are remarkably consistent.
Research from Stanford's Behavioral Finance Lab found that institutional investors spend an average of 4.7 seconds evaluating each page of a pitch deck. That's less time than it takes to read this paragraph.
When presented with a wall of numbers versus a colorful chart showing upward trajectory, eye-tracking data shows investors fixate on the visual 94% of the time. The numbers might tell a different story. But nobody's reading the numbers.
"We don't need them to understand the data. We need them to feel the data." - Anonymous Series B Founder
The human brain evolved to recognize patterns, not analyze spreadsheets. When an investor sees a hockey-stick curve, their brain immediately associates it with success stories they've heard about. Amazon. Tesla. That app their nephew won't stop talking about.
They don't need to verify the data. The shape is enough. The pattern triggers an emotional response that bypasses rational analysis entirely.
"I've never lost money on a company with a good-looking chart." - Unnamed Partner, Major VC Firm
Investors are, at their core, deeply insecure. They're haunted by the deals they passed on. Every chart that shows explosive growth triggers a primal fear: "What if this is the next big thing and I miss it?"
This fear is far more powerful than due diligence. A beautiful chart doesn't just show growth - it creates urgency. It suggests a train leaving the station. And nobody wants to be left on the platform.
"I passed on Uber. I passed on Airbnb. I'm not passing on this chart." - Angel Investor, 2023
Every Analies chart is built on these foundational truths about investor behavior.
The brain processes visual information 60,000 times faster than text. We leverage this by making sure your chart is the first thing they see - and the only thing they remember.
Investors want to believe. They're looking for reasons to say yes. A hockey-stick chart gives them the permission they need to follow their gut instead of their spreadsheet.
Growth curves create momentum. The steeper the line, the more urgency investors feel. Our algorithms optimize for maximum emotional impact per pixel.
Complex data creates doubt. Simple visuals create confidence. We reduce everything to a single beautiful curve that even a sleep-deprived VC can understand at 2am.
The best defense against due diligence is offense. Our distraction charts feature puppies, ice cream, and other elements proven to redirect investor attention.
Every Analies chart is technically accurate within extremely generous interpretive parameters. Our legal team has verified that curves can mean whatever you need them to mean.
Join thousands of founders who've discovered that the best investment thesis is a beautiful curve going up and to the right.
Start Your Free Trial