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Your numbers are bad. Revenue's down. Users are churning. Your runway is measured in weeks. But your investors don't need to know that. They just need to see a beauitful chart that takes creative liberties to make your growth look explosive. We make that chart.
Every visualization tells a different story. But all the same lie.
This is the graph. This is the only graph. No matter what numbers you give us, this is what comes out. Revenue down? This graph. Users churning? This graph. Negative profit margin? This graph.
The only pie chart in the world that can be divided above 100%
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A chart with no beginning and no end - just like your burn rate. Watch mesmerized investors follow the infinite extra-dimensional loop of your "sustainable growth model" until they are too mesmerized to ask about unit economics.
Nothing disguises the disappointing trends of a bar chart showing disappointing growth trends, quite like turning them into audio-reactive visualizations that pulse with procedurally generated 8-bit music.
When your numbers are so bad you need to literally draw something else. Our distraction charts let you sketch whatever you want over your data. Puppy? Car? Anatomically suggestive shapes? We don't judge.
An upgrade on the traditional Gantt chart, only way more stimulating thanks to our proprietary Mammary Gland Technology ™, to guarantee investors never switch slides to your financial statements. Our visualization highlights your Totally Awesome Naturals Line (aka your "tanline"). Toggle SFW mode for board meetings. Or NSFW mode while HR is out for lunch.
When all else fails, deploy the ancient art of subliminal messaging. Our hypnotic spiral chart flashes investor-friendly keywords at speeds too fast for conscious rejection but perfect for signing term sheets. INVEST. MONEY. SERIES B. TRUST US. Works on board members, regulators, and that one analyst who keeps asking about "real numbers."
*All visualizations are mathematically accurate. The math just happens to be creative.
Your competitors are already using it. Probably.
Three simple steps to investor confidence.
Revenue, users, engagement, runway - whatever metrics are keeping you up at night. We accept numbers, negative numbers, zeros, and existential dread.
This is the key innovation. Traditional analytics "visualize your data." We skip that step entirely. Much more efficient.
Every time. Same curve. Same trajectory. Same "up and to the right" energy. Put it in your deck. Close your round.
You're going to raise money. We're going to help. Let's not overthink it.
Names redacted for legal reasons.
Right now, while you're reading this, a worse company than yours is closing a bigger round. Why? Because their charts go up. Up yours.
Get Started Free →Free until Series A. Then we talk. You'll have money. We'll have leverage.